Just Divorced, Should You Date?

By Agony Aunt

The general rule-of-thumb is the best way to solve problems is to prevent them. This is best accomplished by knowing in advance what risks you may encounter, so that you may either avoid or deal with them.

There are a number of potential risks for those who are newly divorced and preparing to begin dating again. It has become quite a trend for people to be told that they need to expend an outrageous amount of time and energy in "healing," if you take this subject too much to heart it can not only lead you to waste time but keep your focus on what you are trying to leave behind rather than what you are trying to accomplish.

Leaving any marriage causes stress to all parties concerned. It can be hard to leave that stress behind but you will need to if you are going to have any success on the dating scene.

Unfortunately, one area where your emotional vulnerability can present a serious problem is that there are always those who are willing to take advantage of it. For some, it is as if they can sense such vulnerability, and have no reservations about exploiting it for their own ends. This in itself is a good enough reason to begin your dating with people you already know, or those who are known to your friends or family.

One additional, and very important, means of safeguarding yourself from being exploited is to keep the focus of casual dating on the word 'casual;' you are keeping your best interests in mind if your social life does not include filling your dates in on details about your marriage, former spouse, or other personal information.

Casual dating means just that, casual, it doesn't give anyone the right to pry into your past over and above the information you may want to give. They don't need to know all the sorid details of your dating or marriage history, and you don't need to know theirs. If you don't want them to pry into your life make sure you don't pry into theirs.

We are all different , it can be difficult to know what is correct conversation with different people. Some people get offended at things that others have no problem with at all, it is usually safe to say that you shouldn't speak about money. Discussing how much , or how little, either of you earns is not a good way to keep your relationship at the casual stage.

Be careful that you don't use what should be a fun date as a unpaid for counseling or psychotherapy session. The person who agreed to go on a date with you expected a meal, maybe a dance or two, they did not sign up to spend a hour listening to your moans about your ex. It won't help you get back into a happy, fruitful dating circle if you become known as someone who constantly moans at every one of your dates. - 30299

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