Few things hurt people worse than a spouse cheating. Maybe a loved one's death, but even then, you're spared the devastating betrayal that comes with infidelity.
But, you if life teaches anything, it's that anything we encounter is survivable. Often times it doesn't seem possible, but it is. You will smile again. You will laugh again. You will once again know what it is to hope. I've been through it all. I know.
Here's what's crucial that you need to know:
Don't be an ostrich.
Don't deny it or try to rationalize in some way that catching your spouse cheating did not happen. You might be tempted to think things like, "It was only sex, he didn't really care about her, so it wasn't really cheating." No, he cheated. It happened. You can't change that.
Find a safe refuge.
Many couples have one big fight over a spouse cheating, then never talk about it again, except to snipe. If you're going to survive, you have to talk. Ask him to tell you what happened and how it started. Tell him exactly how you feel about it. If you can't talk to your spouse, then talk to a close friend or a family member. Definitely speak to a professional counselor.
Don't take the blame.
You want to understand each other, right. That was this is all about, isn't it. Listen as much as you talk. Have a sincere interest to what is being said. This is your life and someone in which you have a huge emotional investment. You can throw it all away. That's easy enough. But, do you really want to?
Don't obsess over the details.
I did this when I caught my spouse cheating. Now, it's a huge regret. You can't go back and re-live all the details of the lie. You just can't. You have to move on to now, or this is going to kill you. It really will. Purposely move your thinking to what is going on currently. You'll be glad you did.
Let the destruction live somewhere else.
It's normal to consider suicide. Research has shown that all the parties involved in spouses cheating do it. You want the pain to end, and it seems like the solution. It isn't. The pain is going to pass - do you really want to make a monumental decision like this based on pain that eventually will stop? And what of those you leave behind, including your children, friends, even your spouse? Don't do that to them.
Give yourself enough space to indulge your hurt. You deserve it. But don't take up residence there. At some point, it's going to be time to move on. Life waits for no one. Don't let the bitterness of this devour you. Demand more of yourself.
Don't think this is something that you're going to over tomorrow. It's not. It could take months, years even to really let it all go.
Be prepared to face a tough time ahead, but know that the pain of a spouse cheating will come to an end. - 30299
But, you if life teaches anything, it's that anything we encounter is survivable. Often times it doesn't seem possible, but it is. You will smile again. You will laugh again. You will once again know what it is to hope. I've been through it all. I know.
Here's what's crucial that you need to know:
Don't be an ostrich.
Don't deny it or try to rationalize in some way that catching your spouse cheating did not happen. You might be tempted to think things like, "It was only sex, he didn't really care about her, so it wasn't really cheating." No, he cheated. It happened. You can't change that.
Find a safe refuge.
Many couples have one big fight over a spouse cheating, then never talk about it again, except to snipe. If you're going to survive, you have to talk. Ask him to tell you what happened and how it started. Tell him exactly how you feel about it. If you can't talk to your spouse, then talk to a close friend or a family member. Definitely speak to a professional counselor.
Don't take the blame.
You want to understand each other, right. That was this is all about, isn't it. Listen as much as you talk. Have a sincere interest to what is being said. This is your life and someone in which you have a huge emotional investment. You can throw it all away. That's easy enough. But, do you really want to?
Don't obsess over the details.
I did this when I caught my spouse cheating. Now, it's a huge regret. You can't go back and re-live all the details of the lie. You just can't. You have to move on to now, or this is going to kill you. It really will. Purposely move your thinking to what is going on currently. You'll be glad you did.
Let the destruction live somewhere else.
It's normal to consider suicide. Research has shown that all the parties involved in spouses cheating do it. You want the pain to end, and it seems like the solution. It isn't. The pain is going to pass - do you really want to make a monumental decision like this based on pain that eventually will stop? And what of those you leave behind, including your children, friends, even your spouse? Don't do that to them.
Give yourself enough space to indulge your hurt. You deserve it. But don't take up residence there. At some point, it's going to be time to move on. Life waits for no one. Don't let the bitterness of this devour you. Demand more of yourself.
Don't think this is something that you're going to over tomorrow. It's not. It could take months, years even to really let it all go.
Be prepared to face a tough time ahead, but know that the pain of a spouse cheating will come to an end. - 30299
About the Author:
Learn more about Suviving Infidelity. Stop by Stan J. Van Sant's site where you unlock the secrets to surviving a Spouse Cheating
